


Helping Out

by lary



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Awkwardness, Crack, Dialogue-Only, Humor, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Innuendo, M/M, Multi, Oblivious Ron, Weasleycest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 23:56:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3307979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lary/pseuds/lary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry tries to tell Ron about his sexual orientation. The conversation isn't going as well as it could be, and that's before the twins meddle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Helping Out

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. :D

 

 

“I thought you'd be less judgemental, considering you're supposed to be my _best mate_.”

 

“Oi! Just because I asked why you suddenly think you're bent doesn't make me judgemental!”

 

“Whatever, shouldn't have told you in the first place.”

 

“C'mon Harry, you don't have to be like that--”

 

“Really, I don't?”

 

“Yes, really! I just meant, how can you be so sure?”

 

“I just am. And you can stop looking at me like you think I'm weird, thanks.”

 

“Well, you kind of are if you're not even a little bit turned on by the rack Lavender has nowadays...”

 

“Oh, enough about Lavender's breasts already! I get it! What you don't seem to get is that I DON'T CARE because I'm GAY!”

 

“I get it, I'm not thick you know, but I'm allowed to have an opinion just as much as yo--”

 

*CRACK*

 

“Merlin, will you two stop doing that? You can apparate, Harry and I aren't impressed.”

 

“Harry is kind of impressed by us, aren't you?”

 

“...”

 

“There you go, Ron. Anyway, we couldn't help but overhear--”

 

“\--since we were eavesdropping--”

 

“Shocker.”

 

“\--and we'd like to impart to you some of our infinite wisdom.”

 

“From the goodness of our hearts, of course.”

 

“Will you just shove off? This is none of your business.”

 

“Bet Harry doesn't agree with you. Right, Harry?”

 

“...”

 

“That's what we thought. Now, what you need to learn, baby brother, is that _opinions_ are like arseholes.”

 

“Just because you have one doesn't make yours special.”

 

“Neither does it mean that you should be shoving it in other people's faces--”

 

“\--especially without their enthusiastic consent.”

 

“Ow, will you two stop jostling me?”

 

“Besides, we happen to know that if Harry here wants anything at all to do with your _opinion_ , he'll let you know.”

 

“Oh, he sure will.”

 

“Loudly.”

 

“Repeatedly.”

 

“He'll practically be begging for your opinion. Right, Harry?”

 

“...”

 

“There you go, Ron. Now, there's an important thing we should add: regardless of your feelings about Lavender's breasts--”

 

“\--which, we'll grant you, are a spectacular argument in favour of not ruling out birds altogether—”

 

“\--if Harry does ever ask for your opinion--”

 

“\--which we have no idea why he would, but to each their own--”

 

“\--you should take him up for it.”

 

“Loudly.”

 

“Repeatedly.”

 

“Seriously, you'll regret it if you don't.”

 

“Big time.”

 

“Anyway, time for us to head back to our room.”

 

“That real big comfortable couch is waiting for us.”

 

“Real shame, all that space for just two people.”

 

“Tragedy. Right, Harry?”

 

“...”

 

*CRACK*

 

“Man, Fred and George just get weirder each year. Do you think they've been experimenting with their joke shop products again?”

 

“...”

 

“Mate, you okay? You're looking kind of strange... all red and stuff.”

 

“...fine.”

 

“Seriously, you don't sound that good. If you're still mad at me, you know, I take it all back. With brothers like those two, I'd be the last person to think _you're_ weird.”

 

“Thanks, Ron, but seriously, I'm okay. Anyway, gotta go now.”

 

“Where, hold on, I'll come with--”

 

“NO! I mean, just gotta hit the loo.”

 

“They didn't slip you a puking pastille or something?”

 

“That must be it! Anyway, don't wait up!”

 

“...wait up? Must've been some pastille, it's only eight in the evening. Ehh, whatever.”

 

…

 

“I wonder what Lavender is wearing right now.”

 

END

 

 


End file.
